XSeries-forum

> 1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
> started to dig."
>
> 2) "I would not allow this employee to breed."
>
> 3) "This employee is really not so much of a HAS BEEN, but more of a
> definite WON'T BE."
>
> 4) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
> trap."
>
> 5) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
>
> 6) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
>
> 7) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
>
> "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
> them."
>
> 9) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
>
> 10) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
>
> 11) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
> together."
>
> 12) "A gross ignoramus...144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
>
> 13) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
>
> 14) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
>
> 15) "He's been working with glue too much."
>
> 16) "He would argue with a signpost."
>
> 17) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
>
> 18) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
>
> 19) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
>
> 20) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
>
> 21) "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
>
> 22) "Donated his brain to science before he was through using it."
>
> 23) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming."
>
> 24) 'He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
>
> 25) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
>
> 26) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
>
> 27) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
>
> 28) "It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sperm."
>
> 29) "One neuron short of a synapse."
>
> 30) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
>
> 31) "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 minutes'."
>
> 32) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

Very good.  And as I'm about to start writing this year's appraisals for my Team, I may need to use a few of these..... >:D

39 Staff reports to do......oh the joy..... :'(

......and here's one along the same lines, but from a Reportee......

Letter to mum

A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Mum'. With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.


'Dear Mum,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.  Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love,

Your son, Nicholas.


PS: Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.

I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home...... )

i need to send that to my friends son, he sure can use it  )

Very good to both some useful ideas  -lol