QANTAS Tech Support

[squeaky2]

Stolen from the "LAND" so credit goes to pb2301

QANTAS Tech Support

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a 'gripe sheet' which tells the mechanic about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and the pilots then review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (marked with an S).

By the way Qantas has one of the best safety records of any major airline.

> P: Left inside tyre almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside tyre.
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
> S: That's what they're for.
> P: IFF inoperative
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> P: Suspected crack in windshield
> S: Suspect you're right.
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Target radar reprogrammed with lyrics.
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.

> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Chompers]

Very funny Squeaky, thanks for sharing

[sp3ctre]

LOL, reminds me of another Quantas urban-legend:

At check in (Quantas I believe)

Long queue of hassled people as its gone pear shaped again....

Stroppy Business type pushes to the front of the queue and says.....

Stroppy Businessman : Come on, I must get onto this flight I have a very important meeting to attend.

Check in Girl (dead pan): please can you return to the back of the queue I have many people to sort out.

SB : No, I am travelling first class, I must get to the Meeting
CIG : OK sir, but these people are also travelling first class, please wait your turn in the queue

(First class check in desk....)

SB: But I must attend this meeting, get me on this plane NOW
CIG: Sir, there are many others in this queue, I am sure have equally important business to attend to, please wait your turn in the queue

SB: Do you know who I am ?
CIG: No, but I still will serve these people first, they have been in the Queue longer than you, please wait your turn in the queue.

SB: Well, F**k you (and storms off)
CIG: Sir, (he turns around, thinking he has got somewhere at last), You will have to wait in the queue for that too.