Not joined yet? Register for free and enjoy features such as alerts, private messaging and viewing latest posts and topics.

Audi Sex...

Jokes and humour! Keep it clean(ish) folks!
Post Reply
Online
User avatar
X5Sport
Global Moderator
Global Moderator
Posts: 18781
Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:09 pm
Location: Planet X6......

Audi Sex...

Post by X5Sport » Thu Oct 23, 2014 3:11 pm

A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

"OK" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky" says the girl, "but for kinky I charge £100 an hour."

"Zis is goot" says the German, "Ve haf ze deal!"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large coil springs, some straps, and a duck caller.

"I vant you take off all of your clothes, all of them, and then strap von spring to each of your hands, unt von spring to each of your knees.."

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to herself exactly as requested.

"Now you vill get on your hans unt knees."

She duly does this, balancing on the springs. "You vill now please hold zis duck caller in your teeth, unt you vill blow through zis as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and anyway, the guy is paying £100 an hour!

The sex is fantastic. She is bounced furiously and vigorously all over the room by the energetic German, and all the time she is honk, honk, honking on the duck caller!

The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, leaves her gasping and exhausted, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps "That was just amazing, totally amazing....... what do you call that?"

"Ah", says the German, "Ve call zis the four-sprung duck technique...."
:ant: Never anthropomorphise computers. They hate that.

User avatar
535dboy
Lifer
Lifer
Posts: 5491
Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:38 am
Location: East Sussex

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by 535dboy » Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:54 pm

Very good and it reminds me with my night with IQ!
Currently :
2012 Audi RS4 (B8)
2012 Porsche Boxster S (981)
2008 Lotus Exige S (a bit modified!)
2015 Nissan Leaf twin turbo with Nitros

Previously :
2008 BMW X5 3.0sd MSport
2005 BMW 535d MSport

pcdee
Member
Member
Posts: 284
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2013 3:13 pm
Location: Canterbury

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by pcdee » Fri Oct 24, 2014 7:44 am

Ah I rememberz tis technique
X5 E70 3.0D SE

sunnydude959

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by sunnydude959 » Fri Oct 24, 2014 11:55 am

[quote="535dboy"]
Very good and it reminds me with my night with IQ!
[/quote]

Did your spring work?

User avatar
Don Coffey
Snr Member
Snr Member
Posts: 2452
Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:25 am
Location: Here, there and everywhere

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by Don Coffey » Fri Oct 24, 2014 12:07 pm

:)) :)) :))

I liked that one.

Don
Image

Raj
Lifer
Lifer
Posts: 4512
Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:30 pm
Location: Midlands

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by Raj » Fri Oct 24, 2014 3:29 pm

PMSL very good.
Image

IceQueenX

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by IceQueenX » Fri Oct 24, 2014 11:58 pm

[quote="535dboy"]
Very good and it reminds me with my night with IQ!
[/quote]

Night?! More like 5 minutes!

User avatar
Don Coffey
Snr Member
Snr Member
Posts: 2452
Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:25 am
Location: Here, there and everywhere

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by Don Coffey » Sat Oct 25, 2014 4:52 am

[quote="IceQueenX"]
[quote="535dboy"]
Very good and it reminds me with my night with IQ!
[/quote]

Night?! More like 5 minutes!
[/quote]

Did that also include the meal, 4play and a smoke?

Don
Image

User avatar
535dboy
Lifer
Lifer
Posts: 5491
Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:38 am
Location: East Sussex

Re: Audi Sex...

Post by 535dboy » Sat Oct 25, 2014 7:51 am

[quote="Don Coffey"]
[quote="IceQueenX"]
[quote="535dboy"]
Very good and it reminds me with my night with IQ!
[/quote]

Night?! More like 5 minutes!
[/quote]

Did that also include the meal, 4play and a smoke?

Don
[/quote]

I don't smoke so that saved one minute. !!
Currently :
2012 Audi RS4 (B8)
2012 Porsche Boxster S (981)
2008 Lotus Exige S (a bit modified!)
2015 Nissan Leaf twin turbo with Nitros

Previously :
2008 BMW X5 3.0sd MSport
2005 BMW 535d MSport

Post Reply